Holden has Colic

I cannot believe that Holden is 7 weeks old already! Every day he gets just a bit more aware of the world around him and it is so awesome! He is also growing up a storm! When we got back from the doctor’s office Monday, we found out his weight is 9lb 4oz! I couldn’t believe it!

So why were at the pediatricians you may ask? Good question. The short answer is, Sunday was mommy’s breaking point. The longer answer is, well:

For the past couple of weeks Holden has been sneezing a bit, and he has also been extremely fussy with so-bad-you-can-feel-them gas bubbles in his tummy. Anyway, flash forward to Sunday. We spent the whole day at my in-laws (well, I spent the whole day, Rob had to go into the rink at 2). Holden was grumpy for most of the day, his fussiness seemed to be getting worse over the past couple of days. It was nice to have someone else to hold him and comfort him, but at the same time as a mom you just want to be the one to do it every time he cries!

When I finally managed to pry him from Grandma’s grasp ;-) she drove us home. He cried on the way, but eventually we missed enough red lights for him to fall asleep. Then we got home and he, of course, woke up. And proceeded to cry and cry and cry, well, you get the idea. Then I cried and cried and cried. Not just because it pains me to hear him cry, but because I felt like crap: achey, neck hurty, throat hurty, dizzy, stomach crampy, nauseated. (Could it be sympathy pains you ask? Nah, nothing so awesome. I took myself to the doc on Tuesday and I just have sinusitis & gastritis.)

And of course, he would not go to sleep for the life of me: I nursed him, rocked him, walked him, sang to him. No dice, he was still fussing with wide open eyes. And I know he was overexcited and overtired from being out all day, but it was more than that. This was all that compounded with a hurting tummy. I felt so badly for my little guy, but finally I admitted defeat. I mean, I'll be the first to admit that I am not supermom and I can only rock him and walk him around for so long. I cuddled him against my chest, snuggled into the cozy-corner of the sectional, surrounded us with pillows and allowed myself to doze.

I feel ashamed to say that I passed out before him, but he eventually dozed with me for about an hour, and then woke up again with a vengeance when I tried to move him cus my back was killing and so I could get a snack (I was ravenous, breastfeeding does that to me). Mommy would get no snack or drink of water. My bawling almost resumed as well but luckily Daddy texted at just the right moment to say he was about to be on his way home. Hallelujah! After a changed diaper and some struggling a latch was successful and Holden quieted down while nursing.

Daddy got home soon after Holden finished nursing bearing grilled cheese and sprite for Mommy and a trade was made. While I ate, we discussed Holden’s fussiness & decided a trip to the pediatrician was in order. So Monday afternoon we made the trek to see Dr. Midani. Well, guess what? The sneezing is nothing to worry about; the fussiness and gassiness however... Colic! Yes, colic. The ailment that puts The Fear in all new mommies and daddies. And my baby has it.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised; according to my mother I had horrendous colic. Colic so bad that I would scream at the top of my lungs for hours on end. Luckily (thank goodness!) Holden's isn't that bad. He merely fusses for a few hours - worse in the evenings, of course- and has just a few screaming moments. It still really sucks. It really sucks that Rob works a lot of late nights... the time when he's worst! Go figure.

The doctor gave us some drops stronger than the Mylicon we'd been using and he got his first does this afternoon. I really (knock on wood!!) think it's working! At least, he was chilling & even fell asleep in his infant positioner while I wrote part of this with no screaming fit (well, till the shutter sound on my Nikon woke him up… oops!), most definitely an improvement. Also, he slept for 7 hours in a row last night. 7! And he actually napped today! I bet it’s a lot easier to sleep when you don’t feel like your tummy’s gonna explode! But will the good sleeping continue or is it just a coincidence? Only time will tell, but a mom can hope!

Holden Tags Along to the Eye Doctor

Yesterday was a hard day. Today was a hard day too, but yesterday was worse. Well, the morning was ok, besides rushing around in the A.M. trying to get myself and Holden ready in time. It was the afternoon that was hardest.

I went to the OBGYN office for my 6-week check up (everything is back to... Well, not normal, but I guess as close as I'm gonna get!) in the morning.

Rob came with me, so that was good. I had to nurse Holden once we got into an exam room, and Rob was able to hold him when I finished so he didn't fuss. Of course, as soon as I nursed him he pretty much dozed off. Story of my life. (can we say foreshadowing?)

Rob had to go into work soon after we got home, but Holden & I got to relax (ha!) for a few short hours in the early afternoon. In between his Grumpings I
managed to scarf down some lunch. This pretty much consisted of me holding Holden in my left arm and dipping toast into hummus with my right. It was delicious in any case.

Too soon it was time to head out for my eye appointment. Holden of course fell asleep in the car, but he woke up once we got into the waiting room. He was quiet for awhile, looking around with his wide eyes like he does, like everything in the world is new and fresh, which to him I suppose it is.

However, the quiet wonderment did not last long. Soon, it was replaced with screaming that no amount of cuddling, kissing, rocking, walking, anything could fix. He wanted The Boob and he wanted it now. Unfortunately, I am not quite comfortable nursing in public so I did my best boob-less soothing. It went on for almost 20 minutes. It was AWFUL. I just wanted to cry & scream myself. I felt bad for Holden, I felt bad for all the other patrons, I felt bad for the receptionists... And I felt bad for myself.

Luckily, the very second before I was either going to a) pull my hair out or b) make a run for it one of the nurses came over and said to me: "Is he crying cus he's hungry? I just had my first grandbaby so I thought that might be it. Want me to find an empty room for you to nurse in?"

Bless that women. She took me to the back, put me in a room ("put the chair against the door so no one cam walk in on you") and said not to worry about missing my appointment time, I could take 30 minutes if I needed to.

Of course, I still felt badly about being an inconvenience, but at least Holden was happy. Well, until he finished nursing; he started fussing again as soon as he was full. I luckily got to wait in the special in-the-back waiting room with a tv until the OD could see me because I had to hold Holden in
my arms & let him suck my finger the whole time. And the whole time I was waiting in the exam room. And during the exam.

Happily, all the staff was wonderful and Dr. Hobson was wonderful as well. Thank goodness!

And thank goodness Holden is so cute & I love him so much: because sometimes it's hard to stay positive when it gets overwhelming and I just wanna cry too.

Week Four: Beginning Hopes for a Good Night's Rest

I can’t believe that Holden is already 4 weeks. The time just continues to fly by! I still can’t believe how fast it goes! Yesterday we started trying to get him on somewhat of a sleep schedule, even though I know some people don’t agree. It would be really awesome if I could get a couple of decent blocks of shut-eye a night - it would really do a lot for my outlook on life! Apparently, it takes a few weeks to implement it, but after that he should sleep through the night in about two/three 4-5 hour blocks.


He did fairly well last night - he went down at around 9 and slept until about 1:45 - and so did I! Well, Rob attempted to wake me up and talk to me at one point I’m told, but apparently I wasn’t very cooperative! I must say, I was incredibly excited to get so much un-interupted rest! However, to my dismay he would only sleep for about an hour at a time after that. Then, I woke up at 5am for a feeding, and he would not go back to sleep. After letting him fuss it out for half an hour (that is THE WORST! Makes me feel sooo guilty), we both decided he was awake for the day.


We went downstairs and I settled us on the sofa. After about an hour of cuddling he decided he was hungry again, so I began nursing him to BBC World News… and awoke about an hour and a half later to Gordon Ramsey! How I managed to fall asleep sitting strait up, I have no idea… I guess sleep deprivation does that to a person! Thank goodness for the Boppy pillow, which thankfully kept him safe and happy in my arms and lap!


Anyway, this is why we need the sleep schedule; we all know it’s more for me than for him!

Week Two: First Bath

Yesterday we gave Holden his First Bath. I must say, it was nerveracking! I had never heard him cry so loudly before; it was very overwhelming and I'm surprised none of the neighbors heard his bloodcurdling screams for help! However, we both (and Daddy) got through it unscathed (albeit a little wet)!




Yesterday we gave Holden his First Bath. I must say, it was nerveracking! I had never heard him cry so loudly before; it was very overwhelming and I'm surprised none of the neighbors heard his bloodcurdling screams for help! However, we both (and Daddy) got through it unscathed (albeit a little wet)!

Birthing Day, Part 3

I know that Rob thought I would freak out when it came to getting the epidural, because I am usually TERRIFIED of needles, but I didn't. I was in so much pain at that point that I just didn't give a flying flip. I sat on the edge of the bed and hunched over, my head on Rob's chest. It didn't hurt at all (relative, I guess), just felt a weird twinging.

Almost immediately, the pain stopped. I sat up in bed, and caught up on my texting. About 20-30 minutes later guess who arrived at the hospital? My midwife! And I was ready to push! I felt really bad because she had just come back from being out of town for her father-in-law's funeral. But I was so very happy and relieved she was going to deliver me.

She sat at the foot of the bed, and I sat in a reclining position with Rob holding one leg against my chest and the nurse holding the other. We all chatted and every few minutes I would push. It was so surreal. He was coming out with his hand in front of his face and over his head. My midwife kept trying to get him to pull his hand back in but he wasn't having any of it! Even now he loves his hands in his face. Rob says he is going to be a fighter. He is NOT.

I got to put my hand down there and feel his head when he was crowning. And when his torso and arms were out, I reached down, hooked my hands under his arms and pulled him out and onto my chest!!! He was PERFECT! He had dark hair, dimples, 10 fingers, 10 toes... His APGAR was an 8. When his cord stopped pulsing, Rob got to cut it. 10 minutes after delivering, my placenta just slid out and my midwife showed it to me. It looked like a cream balloon with a liver attached to the bottom, pretty gross.

It was just the most awesome feeling having my baby on my chest, so overwhelming and surreal. He was Mine! And I loved him so much! I remember as soon as I pulled him onto my chest, I just starting sobbing, it was too much awesome to take in. Also, I didn't tear enough for stitches, because my midwife was so wonderful!!!

It was really great, because I got to keep him on my chest for a couple of hours before they even took him to clean him off and tag him. Then I got him back for awhile. Then Rob went with him to get him checked out and weighed and everything and they got me ready and transferred into my recovery room. It was awful being separated from him, even though I knew he was with Rob.


When Rob walked into the recovery room without Holden, I about FREAKED OUT. His sugar was low, so they had to watch him for a few minutes. Apparently this is a common problem with smaller babies, and he was only 5lb 9oz and 17.5 inches long. Of course I freaked out the whole time, but they brought him back soon.

It was so awesome, and a little bit bizarre. This tiny person had been inside of me for almost 9 months! And I know everyone tells you this, but you just don't understand until it happens to you: the moment I pushed him out, I wasn't the same person. Life was changed forever, and for the better.

Birthing Day, Part 2

So, we're headed to the hospital and I'm writhing all over my seat, pulling my seat belt away from my belly, trying to find a comfortable position and all of a sudden Rob's like, "Shhh!" There was a cop behind us. Of course. Luckily he turned off not too long into our drive. Thank Goodness!

The rest of the drive was uneventful, besides my moaning of course. We stopped at Starbucks for a smoothie and a water for me and then we were at the hospital. It was 7am. I did not want the wheelchair, but we used it to wheel our bags in. At one point I had to stop walking in the middle of a contraction and Rob tried to make me sit in the chair. "Sitting doesn't make it hurt any less!" I snapped at him.

We made it to labor and delivery, I changed into a gown and got into a bed in triage to be hooked up to the fetal monitor. I was at 5 centimeters. I hated it. They wanted me to lie on my back, but I kept rolling over onto my side and messing up the monitor. I hated being on my back; I wanted to walk around. They also told me that my midwife was out of town, but she was on her way home and should be there around noon.

After about an hour in triage, I was cleared and they sent me to my room. I immediately disrobed and hopped into the shower, it felt so much better. I stood under the warm spray with my forehead against the tiles, hunched over the grab bar. I was really hurting.

After an hour or so, they made me get out so that I could get my IV of antibiotics for Strep. Did I need them? I'm not sure. The wonderful OB doctor couldn't find my test results, so I had to get them to be safe. The nurse made me lay in the bed while she checked me - 7 centimeters - and hooked me up, then I took to wheeling the drugs around the room, hunching over every time I got a contraction. Also, I threw up. I remember signaling to Rob to hold my hair back; he didn't get it, but luckily the nurse did. I usually HATE throwing up, but that time it didn't even phase me. I guess when you're in a ton of pain everything else - even unpleasant stuff - fades into the background.

As soon as the IV was done, I got back into the shower. I tried to sit on the birthing ball in the shower, but sitting was excruciating, so I just slouched against the side of the shower. Eventually, I was just so exhausted. It was noon and I had been in the shower for three hours, although to me time had ceased to mean anything. I asked Rob to ask them to start filling up the tub. But they wouldn't let me in the tub, because my midwife wasn't there yet and they no longer thought she would make it.

The nurse made me get out of the shower so she could check my progression; it was between 7 and 8. I curled up on my left side in the bed. I was so exhausted and in pain. I was also having a ton of anxiety about my midwife not being there, and not being able to get into the tub. I did not want that awful OB to deliver me. Also, my best friend Erica was in Florida and she was supposed to be in the delivery room with me. Out of all of my support, only Rob was left.

I was in so much pain, and all I wanted to do was get into the tub and I couldn't. I made Rob squeeze my toe, hard, to distract me and then my leg when he couldn't bend over anymore. Rob kept telling me to breathe, and relax but I couldn't. I had it in my mind that only the water would relax me, and I was so stressed and anxious about delivering not in the tub, and not with my midwife, and of tearing that I could not relax.

I was trying my hardest to hold out for my midwife. I wanted to deliver in the tub so I wouldn't tear and I wanted her to deliver me. I had stalled at 7 centimeters, waiting for my midwife I think. Rob said I pretty much screamed for two hours strait, from about 12:30-2:30 I guess.

Eventually, when I came to terms that: my midwife was not going to make it, there was no chance of me getting into the tub, & that the awful uncaring OB doctor was going to have to deliver me, I gave in and got an epidural.

Birthing Day - Part 1

So, very early Sunday morning Rob came home from having a beer with Chris right as I was getting out the tub. He was watching me towel off when he noticed the expression on my face. The expression on my face was anxiety. There was pink on the towel, and I showed Rob. "I'm not ready!!" I hyperventilated to him. "Call your doctor." "I don't want to. I'm not ready. Besides, sometimes you lose your plug and it's days or even weeks before you go into labor."

After a few minutes of this, he made me call my midwife. Well, my midwife wasn't there. The OB, whom I had never seen, called me back. "I've been having Braxton Hicks all day, well I thought they were Braxton Hicks because they weren't that painful, but I just got out of the bathtub, and I think I've lost part of my mucus plug." She asked me a few questions and told me that "You probably have a bladder infection. If you're still having pain on Monday, come into the office and we'll do a test."

Ok. Sure. Well, I called my neighbor Brandi to see if she could loan me some pads and she and her sis-in-law headed down. They stayed for a couple of hours sharing their birth stories with me and then they left so I could try and get some rest.

Well, my cramps had been steadily getting worse, but I refused to acknowledge this so I crawled into bed next to Rob, who was timing my "not-contractions" with my IPhone. I finally managed to fall asleep in between the pain and woke up an hour or two later to shake Rob awake: "It really hurts." I didn't want to call the OB again - for one thing, I didn't like her - but Rob made me. I told her I thought I was in labor and thought my contractions were five minutes apart, but I wasn't sure.

She told me to go ahead and head to the hospital; seriously, that's it. This made me upset, because my midwife had told me she would talk with me on the phone for awhile so that she could gauge where I was so I didn't get to the hospital too early. But my midwife wasn't available, so what could I do?

We ran around getting the bags packed (because I still had weeks left to pack them, you know) while I hunched over in pain every few minutes. I thanked my lucky stars that I had sucked it up for those painful moments I had spent Saturday morning hunched over to shave my legs. Rob took the bags to the car, and we were off the hospital.