Birthing Day, Part 3

I know that Rob thought I would freak out when it came to getting the epidural, because I am usually TERRIFIED of needles, but I didn't. I was in so much pain at that point that I just didn't give a flying flip. I sat on the edge of the bed and hunched over, my head on Rob's chest. It didn't hurt at all (relative, I guess), just felt a weird twinging.

Almost immediately, the pain stopped. I sat up in bed, and caught up on my texting. About 20-30 minutes later guess who arrived at the hospital? My midwife! And I was ready to push! I felt really bad because she had just come back from being out of town for her father-in-law's funeral. But I was so very happy and relieved she was going to deliver me.

She sat at the foot of the bed, and I sat in a reclining position with Rob holding one leg against my chest and the nurse holding the other. We all chatted and every few minutes I would push. It was so surreal. He was coming out with his hand in front of his face and over his head. My midwife kept trying to get him to pull his hand back in but he wasn't having any of it! Even now he loves his hands in his face. Rob says he is going to be a fighter. He is NOT.

I got to put my hand down there and feel his head when he was crowning. And when his torso and arms were out, I reached down, hooked my hands under his arms and pulled him out and onto my chest!!! He was PERFECT! He had dark hair, dimples, 10 fingers, 10 toes... His APGAR was an 8. When his cord stopped pulsing, Rob got to cut it. 10 minutes after delivering, my placenta just slid out and my midwife showed it to me. It looked like a cream balloon with a liver attached to the bottom, pretty gross.

It was just the most awesome feeling having my baby on my chest, so overwhelming and surreal. He was Mine! And I loved him so much! I remember as soon as I pulled him onto my chest, I just starting sobbing, it was too much awesome to take in. Also, I didn't tear enough for stitches, because my midwife was so wonderful!!!

It was really great, because I got to keep him on my chest for a couple of hours before they even took him to clean him off and tag him. Then I got him back for awhile. Then Rob went with him to get him checked out and weighed and everything and they got me ready and transferred into my recovery room. It was awful being separated from him, even though I knew he was with Rob.


When Rob walked into the recovery room without Holden, I about FREAKED OUT. His sugar was low, so they had to watch him for a few minutes. Apparently this is a common problem with smaller babies, and he was only 5lb 9oz and 17.5 inches long. Of course I freaked out the whole time, but they brought him back soon.

It was so awesome, and a little bit bizarre. This tiny person had been inside of me for almost 9 months! And I know everyone tells you this, but you just don't understand until it happens to you: the moment I pushed him out, I wasn't the same person. Life was changed forever, and for the better.

Birthing Day, Part 2

So, we're headed to the hospital and I'm writhing all over my seat, pulling my seat belt away from my belly, trying to find a comfortable position and all of a sudden Rob's like, "Shhh!" There was a cop behind us. Of course. Luckily he turned off not too long into our drive. Thank Goodness!

The rest of the drive was uneventful, besides my moaning of course. We stopped at Starbucks for a smoothie and a water for me and then we were at the hospital. It was 7am. I did not want the wheelchair, but we used it to wheel our bags in. At one point I had to stop walking in the middle of a contraction and Rob tried to make me sit in the chair. "Sitting doesn't make it hurt any less!" I snapped at him.

We made it to labor and delivery, I changed into a gown and got into a bed in triage to be hooked up to the fetal monitor. I was at 5 centimeters. I hated it. They wanted me to lie on my back, but I kept rolling over onto my side and messing up the monitor. I hated being on my back; I wanted to walk around. They also told me that my midwife was out of town, but she was on her way home and should be there around noon.

After about an hour in triage, I was cleared and they sent me to my room. I immediately disrobed and hopped into the shower, it felt so much better. I stood under the warm spray with my forehead against the tiles, hunched over the grab bar. I was really hurting.

After an hour or so, they made me get out so that I could get my IV of antibiotics for Strep. Did I need them? I'm not sure. The wonderful OB doctor couldn't find my test results, so I had to get them to be safe. The nurse made me lay in the bed while she checked me - 7 centimeters - and hooked me up, then I took to wheeling the drugs around the room, hunching over every time I got a contraction. Also, I threw up. I remember signaling to Rob to hold my hair back; he didn't get it, but luckily the nurse did. I usually HATE throwing up, but that time it didn't even phase me. I guess when you're in a ton of pain everything else - even unpleasant stuff - fades into the background.

As soon as the IV was done, I got back into the shower. I tried to sit on the birthing ball in the shower, but sitting was excruciating, so I just slouched against the side of the shower. Eventually, I was just so exhausted. It was noon and I had been in the shower for three hours, although to me time had ceased to mean anything. I asked Rob to ask them to start filling up the tub. But they wouldn't let me in the tub, because my midwife wasn't there yet and they no longer thought she would make it.

The nurse made me get out of the shower so she could check my progression; it was between 7 and 8. I curled up on my left side in the bed. I was so exhausted and in pain. I was also having a ton of anxiety about my midwife not being there, and not being able to get into the tub. I did not want that awful OB to deliver me. Also, my best friend Erica was in Florida and she was supposed to be in the delivery room with me. Out of all of my support, only Rob was left.

I was in so much pain, and all I wanted to do was get into the tub and I couldn't. I made Rob squeeze my toe, hard, to distract me and then my leg when he couldn't bend over anymore. Rob kept telling me to breathe, and relax but I couldn't. I had it in my mind that only the water would relax me, and I was so stressed and anxious about delivering not in the tub, and not with my midwife, and of tearing that I could not relax.

I was trying my hardest to hold out for my midwife. I wanted to deliver in the tub so I wouldn't tear and I wanted her to deliver me. I had stalled at 7 centimeters, waiting for my midwife I think. Rob said I pretty much screamed for two hours strait, from about 12:30-2:30 I guess.

Eventually, when I came to terms that: my midwife was not going to make it, there was no chance of me getting into the tub, & that the awful uncaring OB doctor was going to have to deliver me, I gave in and got an epidural.

Birthing Day - Part 1

So, very early Sunday morning Rob came home from having a beer with Chris right as I was getting out the tub. He was watching me towel off when he noticed the expression on my face. The expression on my face was anxiety. There was pink on the towel, and I showed Rob. "I'm not ready!!" I hyperventilated to him. "Call your doctor." "I don't want to. I'm not ready. Besides, sometimes you lose your plug and it's days or even weeks before you go into labor."

After a few minutes of this, he made me call my midwife. Well, my midwife wasn't there. The OB, whom I had never seen, called me back. "I've been having Braxton Hicks all day, well I thought they were Braxton Hicks because they weren't that painful, but I just got out of the bathtub, and I think I've lost part of my mucus plug." She asked me a few questions and told me that "You probably have a bladder infection. If you're still having pain on Monday, come into the office and we'll do a test."

Ok. Sure. Well, I called my neighbor Brandi to see if she could loan me some pads and she and her sis-in-law headed down. They stayed for a couple of hours sharing their birth stories with me and then they left so I could try and get some rest.

Well, my cramps had been steadily getting worse, but I refused to acknowledge this so I crawled into bed next to Rob, who was timing my "not-contractions" with my IPhone. I finally managed to fall asleep in between the pain and woke up an hour or two later to shake Rob awake: "It really hurts." I didn't want to call the OB again - for one thing, I didn't like her - but Rob made me. I told her I thought I was in labor and thought my contractions were five minutes apart, but I wasn't sure.

She told me to go ahead and head to the hospital; seriously, that's it. This made me upset, because my midwife had told me she would talk with me on the phone for awhile so that she could gauge where I was so I didn't get to the hospital too early. But my midwife wasn't available, so what could I do?

We ran around getting the bags packed (because I still had weeks left to pack them, you know) while I hunched over in pain every few minutes. I thanked my lucky stars that I had sucked it up for those painful moments I had spent Saturday morning hunched over to shave my legs. Rob took the bags to the car, and we were off the hospital.

The Day Before

So Rob had agreed to help me take some maternity shots of myself. The whole pregnancy I had meant to take photos of my progression every week, but I always forgot, so I really wanted some photos of my pregnant belly.

Well, Saturday morning, I woke up with Braxton Hicks. I had had BH another day about two or three weeks earlier, so I didn't really think anything of it. I knew it wasn't labor because they didn't hurt that bad. I mean, bending over to shave wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't awful either. Anyway, we had breakfast and I got dressed and we began taking the photos. I remember that Rob and I got into a fight because I didn't like the way he was framing the shots. I remember yelling at him that maybe my bad attitude had something to do with the fact that I WAS IN PAIN!! But not labor.

Well, Rob went to work and I spent the rest of the early afternoon washing up things that we had bought on Saturday, organizing the linen closet (again), organizing Holden's clothes (again) and the like. I was supposed to meet my friend Priti for a coffee late that afternoon, but I called her around two and cancelled because I was still having pains. "Are you sure you're not in labor?" she asked me. "How do you know they're Braxton Hicks?" Well, I just didn't think it was labor. Besides, I wasn't ready!!!

I spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening watching tv on the sofa. I remember that my mom was watching my nephew and anytime he would cry I swear it made the pains worse. But it was NOT labor. Rob called to check on me, and I said I was fine, still having the pains, but it was not labor. No way.

My neighbors Heather and Cassi had invited me over for dinner, so I headed over there around 6 or so. They made chips & salsa and my Jamaican black bean burgers. I, of course, ate mine slathered with mayonnaise (my most prevalent craving), but no hot sauce (my other prevalent craving) since I had been having awful heart burn for a couple of weeks. We hung out for awhile, then we walked down to hang out with some of our other neighbors Becca and Chris. It was nice out, so we sat out on their patio where they had a fire going and chatted for a few hours. Around eleven we women all decided it was time for bed and I went home.

Well, Rob got home from work not long after I did and I told that if he wanted to go grab a beer with Chris he could, because I was going to take a bath to try and relax. So we rounded off the day with Rob going to grab a beer with Chris and me heading upstairs to take a soothing bath and head to bed.

A Look Back: The Lead-up to Birthing Day

The whole time I was pregnant I kept telling people "Holden's going to be at least a week late, probably almost two." I'm not sure why, but I think it's because I felt I hadn't gotten everything ready yet.

The Friday morning before Holden was born, I looked up rocking chairs on Craigslist and talked Rob into going and buying one, even though he had to work later that night. When we got home with the chair, Rob had to run and get something, I don't remember where or what. While he was gone, I got on the computer and was looking at everything that I felt we still needed: crib sheets, changing pad covers, a swing, a tummy mat or toys, etc. When he got back we had a conversation about all this stuff that we still needed, plus the fact that we still needed to paint his dresser that we had bought a few weeks previous at a charity shop.

I felt that we needed to get this stuff NOW, while Rob (understandably, as he had to work that night, plus the fact that I had woken up at around 9am) wanted to go on Sunday. I argued that if we (rather, he) were going to be painting on Sunday, then there might not be time to do both and I really wanted these supplies bought. After I pretty much had a freak-out, Rob dredged up his good-husbandness and agreed to go to Babies-R-Us & Target. Especially once I promised lunch at Taco Mac!

So, off we went. We went to Babies-R-Us and then we went to Target and bought all the extra stuff that I felt we needed. Then we went to lunch at Taco Mac where we got some food and Rob had a couple beers. I remember him looking at his beer list and commenting that he wanted to drink his last, I don't know, 12 beers or something before Holden came so that he would get to the next level. I'm pretty sure I said something like, "well, you have at least two weeks left, and really probably three or four because I know he's going to be late."

I don't remember what we did after Taco Mac, but probably the things that we always did before Holden: watched some TV, made a nice dinner, Rob probably took a nap and I probably read in the bathtub for an hour or two, and I know I cuddled Percy Cat because I have a picture. If only I would have know what the future held, I really would have made the most of those last few moments.